In honor of the movie release of “Fifty Shades of Grey” I wanted to share with you this post I wrote about the book when it came out.
I feel like an outcast.
My sweet, southern, girlfriends that I find so refreshing, have a little secret.
You can drive by their brick houses and see that something is going on with the family that lives there. The pansies that were planted last fall are leggy in their flower beds and should have been pulled out a month ago, and replaced with begonias. Their flower pots are sitting empty. Has there been a separation? Impending divorce? Illness?
No, they just discovered “mommy porn.” They are hiding in a little corner in their homes reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I know because when we go to soccer practices or the club they are whispering about it, giggling. They greet each other with, “what page are you on?” They declare that the second book is better than the first. Everyone my age is talking about it as if they have never seen the opposite sex’s private parts in the daylight. They are acting like a locker room full of high school boys with a dirty magazine.
I feel so left out!
It isn’t that I don’t want to read “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I would love to be in the middle of the giggling. I would love to feel all naughty with my mom friends. It is just that the situation I am in forbids it.
You see I bought my dad a Kindle for Christmas. I used my Amazon account to set it up for him and so far everything I have downloaded on my Kindle has loaded up onto his Kindle as well!
He is reading the books I buy and download before I do.
He is commenting and updating me on what he likes about the books that I haven’t even begun reading.
I AM NOT HAVING A BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION WITH MY DAD
ABOUT “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!”
I found our seven year-old Peter’s beloved Bunny like this.
Maybe I could borrow Peter’s copy of the book when he is done with it.
It isn’t just the women that are being affected by this series of books. The husbands look tired. I heard one mom shout out to her husband at the lounge to “not have too many” and then give him a wink. I heard another tell her husband he better have a protein drink because she was going to sit and read while he is out playing golf, and when he gets home she might need some “attention.”
This is yet another reason to be mad at the Kindle. My poor husband is missing out on the “Fifty Shades of Grey husband byproduct effect.”
I ended up making up a game called, “Guess Which Husband Has a Wife Reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I am pretty awesome at figuring this out. That story is here, “How to Stifle Education with Cocktails and Other Threats.”
This is NOT “The South” you read about in “The Help” anymore.
After I wrote this I had a talk show producer call about bringing me on the show to TALK ABOUT “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Want to see how that turned out?
Because THAT was super funny!
Abbie, All that makes you… allthatmakesyou.com
Click that “Follow” button or subscribe if I put a smile on your face. I promise this is the first dirty book review of a book I have never read. I wont think you are “bad” if you subscribe to my site on a day that I am writing about bondage books. I would think that was awesome but ask that you not try to figure out where I live. 😉 Oh, and Peter loves to leave his bunny in precarious situations for me to find. It is like a sport for him. This is why I know my three boys will be the next generation of kids on that show, “Jacka$$” and I will be that boys poor mom. Little girls don’t tie up their baby dolls and leave them for their mom to find and giggle around the corner.