Stay with this story until the very end. I don’t even know how it is possible that it is true, but it is. I could not have ever dreamt that a moment this embarrassing wouldn’t happen to me but instead happen in front of me to witness. It was my chance to show the world how to help or assist someone in that instance that they realize that everyone is looking at you, your face is hot and your ears are ringing and it will be a while before you can laugh about it. It takes exactly two seconds for a spectator to laugh I learned, even if on the inside.
It was last fall and I had volunteered to chaperone my twins sixth grade field trip. This was a big day for them as well as me. It was also their twelfth birthday and probably the last time they would actually want me to go on a field trip with them. Their school makes you jump through a ton of hoops to get “permission” to drive yourself, (not drive the kids or ride on the bus with the kids) to a public venue and spend the day with YOUR children. I had to have a background check. Well, the background check, I am assuming, is required if your going to walk around with your children and someone else’s children. Don’t get me started and yes I know that better safe than sorry but by the time I am done “getting permission” to spend the day with my kids I might be homicidal. After what one little boy saw while with me they may revoke my privileges…
It is a windy, cold and rainy fall day in the woods at a…renaissance festival. Let me try to paint a picture…
Like Woodstock Wet
The entire sixth grade gets off the buses and I am assigned my two boys and a handful of other boys to keep track of. This festival is in the most beautiful woodsy setting. The walking paths carve through the trees and there are little clearings with vendors in carts, rides and food. If it weren’t a giant mud-ball it would have been a perfect birthday, day with my boys.
I had been well versed the night before on how to “act cool”. I already decided the day would be filled with, “SURE! I will buy that for you, it is your birthday!” I would bump my boy’s status up a notch so that when I was in the drop off/pick up line at school my boys classmates would walk down the sidewalk and give me the sideways deuce with their fingers and a head nod to say, “wassup.” My boys would stop asking me to, “not talk when the car door opens.”
This is how the day really went.
We were wet and cold and muddy. I was in charge of holding everything that each boy bought. If anything that belonged to any of them became saturated with water I was also in charge of carrying that as well. I was to stand outside of all temporary mens bathrooms and wait while a half-dozen little boys continually peed out the sugar products they consumed non stop but not ever at the same time.
This is how it began…
While walking through one of the little clearing the boys stopped to do this…
We actually picked one up for Peter for Christmas. He had been asking for a “horn blower” for years.
While they were all doing this (swapping spit on animal parts) one of my brood announced he had to relieve himself. I turned and said to all of the other boys, “The bathroom is right over there. You all stay right here and you can watch me walk him over and we will be right back.” This is another one of my “I know God has a sense of humor” because of all the kids that this had to happen to he may be the one it would shock the most. He is the kid who is a little extra awkward for an already awkward age of twelve. He’s the one who shuffles when he walks and likes to fake seizures to get out of gym class I’m told. My boys have known him for years and he’s a sweet boy who will grow into who he is supposed to be…if this day with me didn’t ruin him forever.
Part 1 of 2
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Here is the second half…
Second Half of the Story “I May Be On The No Chaperone List After This Field Trip”
Giving people a place to go and read a funny story for a smile or laugh. Follow me with the button above and visit daily after you have read the news on your mobile while waiting for an appointment or the court to empty. Want to give people a place that they can relate to because we are all part of some kind of family.
All that makes you smile, laugh, love, think, cry and cry laughing.
Hi! Where’s the other half!?? I can’t wait to hear! I’m a newbie to blogging too and just to let you know- you totally fit in! Thanks for making me laugh with your exploading eggs story! I soo needed that today I’m a fan! And if I could figure out how to sign up with my phone I would right now I’m a little techy troubled but don’t worry ill get it. I need to laugh more and you are the perfect medicine! Hugs! Michelle
All that makes you... says
Thanks for reading and the kind words of encouragement. I am posting now!
All that makes you... says
Why should everyone have kids? One of my boys goes back and forth with wanting a family and not. I find it very interesting he shares it with me. I also know he is the most maternal (? paternal) of the three. He is our little worrier and I think he worries that kids will cause him worry? Thanks for reading and the words of encouragement. I will post next week a really sweet and funny story that this makes me remember about what started “THE WORRY” in our house. It is really funny.
Caddo Veil says
Well, the reason I love your stories is that I get to vicariously live them. Not having developed a functional and effective sense of humor until late in life, I wisely chose not to have children–I don’t regret that, don’t miss them. But now that I can appreciate the humorous absurdities of life, I can “seriously” enjoy kids like the ones you’ve added to the world–and your adventures with them. God bless all of you.
Teresa Cleveland Wendel says
Of course you fit it! I love the wry accounts of your boys’ misadventures–and the mom who unwittingly misleads them. I hope that you’ll collect them into a book of essays someday. Thank-you.
All that makes you... says
I can’t believe how much I enjoy sharing them. Thank you for reading and commenting. Parenting is a great adventure, you just don’t know if your going down the right path. I figure that even if we find a way to laugh then it would have been a path worth taking, even if were all covered in mud and we need to wash our eyeballs.