The Newtown Tragedy and Trying to Explain to Our Boys

I keep going over what I am going to say to my boys about today’s tragedy in Newtown when they get home.

I am raising three young men.
When something like this happens it is nearly always a man who has done it and I cannot help it, I am human, and I think about the gunman’s mother.

I think about losing your son. He was her little baby in a hospital gown getting that first picture taken.

He was someones baby too.

Did she try and get him mental health treatment?

I know how your hands can be tied when a family member doesn’t recognize they have a problem.

Now her son has killed other peoples babies.

I am running through the points I want to make with my boys tonight.

My sweet boys that one day will be men.

Sometimes people are sick and sometimes people have brains that are sick.

Some people never learn to express their emotions without hurting others.

That man probably was hurt himself at some point.

It is NO EXCUSE. It is, however a reason to be kind to one another.

If he would have been told when he was young that there are people who would listen and help him reason out his problems, people that would have helped him endlessly in order to prevent an outcome like this, maybe he wouldn’t have thought this was the only choice to make.

I am going to make sure that you know as you grow up that anger and violence will get you no where.

Violence just breeds more violence.

Choosing to not react can be harder than reacting…and far more powerful.

You are in control of your anger and emotions.

If you ever think that you aren’t then you know it is time to ask someone for help.

You know better. Your mother has loved you and raised you to know. I am telling you right now, you don’t ever hurt people. No one is ever justified to hurt people.

Remember that there ARE INDEED people that can help you if you ever feel helpless. Remember how terrible this outcome was and how much better it would have been if he had asked for help, instead of resorting to violence.

If you have to ask a dozen people before someone helps you, you keep asking.

Someone would eventually have found him help. People would have helped him move mountains to prevent this tragedy. It was lazy and sick and he is now a monster.

When you hurt people for revenge that is what you are, a monster.

I love you and love the person you are becoming.
I am sorry that things like this happen. I wish I could take it away and you would never know that such horrible things happen.

Let’s try and learn something about resolving our feelings without hurting others.

The people that were lost today would want something good to come from the sadness that their families are feeling. Let’s try and be a little more understanding of others.

Let’s remember that not everyone has a healthy heart and not everyone has a healthy mind.

I am so thankful that we have both and let’s keep everyone that was affected by this in our hearts and prayers.

How will you wrap your head around this with your own kids? I don’t think I could have if they were home when I found out. It took me a long time of staring at my computer screen. I cannot watch the reports because of them interviewing children and the swat teams beside the children is gut wrenching.

I worry endlessly about conflicts between the countries of our world.

I have no control over history, religion or the turmoil that has strained relationships between nationalities for centuries.

I can only raise three men. I will do my best to make sure they have been told that violence is never the answer, asking for help makes you a real man and to show kindness to others because you haven’t walked in their shoes or slept in their beds or cried their tears.

– Abbie




  1. says

    I’m racking my brain on what to say to my 10 year old daughter. I’m trying to decide if I should tell me 6, almost 7 year old, son. Your points are wonderful and thought-filled.

    Personally, I will add the important part about following directions – many of those children survived because they listened to their teachers.

    If I could ask you to remind them of one thing – it’s something that our public school principal sent out in his weekly message:

    …”let them know that they are safe at school and have nothing to fear. It is times like this that I feel I have 550 children of my own; I take the safety and security of our school very seriously and you have my assurances that our district and our staff have taken measures to make sure that we have a plan in place should such an unspeakable tragedy ever occur in our community.


  2. says

    I don’t know what to say to my three boys. I just know that the usual afterschool craziness- how loud they always are when they get home, how they fight and “bother” me… today, it’s all a joyous noise- simply because they are here with me.

  3. Julie Catherine says

    Abbie, I think you absolutely have the right idea on how to discuss this tragedy with your boys. I threw up and cried when I read the news updates. I think I read that the gunman’s mother was found shot to death at their home. I don’t understand what is happening in our world today, why this scenario seems to be becoming more prevalent in our society. It just breaks my heart. Bless you for being a wonderful mother, and bless your boys for the awesome kids they are. The Angels weep today … ~ Julie xox


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