Write it on Your Wall, BUT not Really

He was our great hope for THE GENIUS SON

Dear husband,

When you say to our son, “Write it on your wall so you remember the dates. I will take you boys to Atlanta to see a super-cross in February” you should remember he is TEN.

Ten year-olds don’t have Facebook “walls” to write their plans on. Ten year-olds will just write that s*@! on his bedroom wall.

Yes.
He.
Did.

He did tell me he wrote it in pencil and even tested that it will come off before he wrote it GIGANTIC across his wall so when he lays in bed he can see it.

AND TO THINK I THOUGHT HE WAS OUR GENIUS AS HE NEVER WROTE ON THE WALLS AS A TODDLER, or even color the toile quilt on the guest bed like his brothers did with permanent marker because well…toile does look like a new coloring page begging to have…color
Remember when that incident lead to new carpet in the living room when I scrubbed the ink out of the quilt on the floor for hours but didn’t realize the permanent marker spread through the quilt and into the carpet?

It is really a wonder I have spent zero time at a funny farm.

Well, we already have our first story for the 2015 Christmas card and it’s only January.

Child judging you

Help me write a caption for each of these photos. Put them in the comments below.

He could have his own meme website with the expressions he makes when I take a picture. 

Did you read the 2014 Christmas letter yet? You get to choose multiple choice style what we did last year. Mostly, it’s more stuff like a snake loose in the car…with us loose in the car too…and the dog.

Here is the link to the Christmas letter because it is pretty funny. That mean I was tortured and you get to laugh, the normal, usual way my stories go.

Abbie Gale

You should totally subscribe to my posts (in that box to the right) so you get an email telling you I have written something new. I am only mildly annoying. Way less annoying than the flash sale emails you get every day. I promise to never ask you to buy anything, unless I ask you for bail money and then you should consider yourself cool because I would have been doing something totally worth getting arrested for which mean I will include you in the story and that would make you “internet famous” to the 16 people that read my stories online. 

All That Makes You…

PS If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.

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Teenagers Will Eat Anything

IMG_0215.JPG Just now. Saturday around “brunch time.”

I can smell something being cooked in the kitchen.
Me yelling to teenagers in kitchen, “What are you cooking? I am hungry!”
My ten year old in the room with me, “They made tiny burnt pancakes.”
Trust me, I saw them and you DON’T want any part of that.”
Me yelling, “Never mind.”

There is a reason we call the ten year old “Chef”.

-Abbie Gale
allthatmakesyou.com

Cutting the Cord, The Game Console Cord

I just answered a phone call on the home phone, (no one calls the home phone)
“Hello, is Peter around?”
Says a GROWN man.
Me, “Uh…yeah. One moment please.”

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“Peteeeerrre, you have a phone call.”
Me to man in phone, “May I ask who is calling?”
Him, “This is Paul.”

Oh, heck no. Who is this grown man calling for my ten year-old on our home phone? I need to know more.

“May I ask why you are calling Peter.”
He replies with, “I am with &@/)(:#”
Me, “And who is that and what do you do and why are you calling for my son?”
Him, “Oh, son? How OLD is your son?!!!”
Me, “10”
Him, “I am so sorry. I had no idea!”
Me, “What kind of company is this?!”

(You know you hear stories about kids and the Internet and holy crap…)

Him, “We’re an online company that helps people…”
Me, “With what? What website has he been on?!!!!”
Him, “He submitted a really great app idea and, HE IS TEN?!! I am shocked. Really. I will take his name out of our data base! I am so sorry. I had no idea.”
Me, “Wait! What was his idea?!”

For real? This guy is going to delete my genius child’s million dollar idea!

Him, “It’s an app for ——-. It’s a really great idea. I would encourage him continue to come up with more of these. He is quite the little entrepreneur. He filled out and entire application and submitted it with amazing detail. He is ten, really?”

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I will let Peter tell you his app idea when he is ready.

This is what happens when you take the video game console cord. When the kids complained I told them if they don’t like it they should learn to write code.
“You could make your own video game.”

He is smart. He takes after his mom.

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This Place is Possessed, Halloween Possessed. Halloween Decorating Ideas

Houston, we have a problem. The smoke detector battery is dying.

It keeps making that horrible beeping sound.

That loud sound keeps making ALL my Halloween scenes go off at the same time.

Witch Rat

Imagine three electronic cats screeching, a skeleton head singing “I aint got no body…” (David Lee Roth and one of my personal favorites, decorations not recording artists) a bag of rats shaking and making a squealing sound,

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A skeleton in a mirror screaming “Let me outta here!!!”

Love it when people ask to use our powder room.  They look at me a little funny when I follow them in with a camera.

Love it when people ask to use our powder room. They look at me a little funny when I follow them in with a camera.

An urn chanting about death, a spider that keeps dropping down a wall…

YOU GET THE POINT.

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I need to change the battery in the smoke detector but its ten feet in the air and the ladder that can reach it is at the barn.

Houston, we have a nervous condition now.

I do get a few hours of quiet when the three boys are in school, normally.

Skeleton

HALLOWEEN Decorating Abbie Gale allthatmakesyou.com

Who am I kidding?

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There is no normal around here.

Abbie Gale

allthatmakesyou.com

Like and subscribe to my Facebook page (I am on there all day): All That Makes You
Friend me on Facebook where you will really get to know the silly on the regular: Abbie Gale 
Twitter @allthatmakesyou
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Email me at: allthatmakesyousmile at gmail dot com

PS If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.

 

 

Recovering Emotionally From River’s Carnivorous Seaweed

Jim has had two weeks off between the fellowship that just ended and going back to his private practice.

I need a vacation from his vacation. We will be back home soon and I might make out with our washer and dryer.

I posted this picture yesterday I took while sitting in my father in-laws backyard in Michigan.

20120711-192723.jpgPeter has dragged his net from the back of a kayak in the mountains of North Carolina to the ditches of rural Michigan.

I am not kidding when I tell you he jumped out of a boat in the river to catch a water snake. Seeing that snake wiggle back and forth through the water towards the banks made me happy that he had a net in his hand and couldn’t swim after it.

Here is Peter with his only catch from Michigan.  A praying mantis.  He longed to catch a newt at his Papa’s marsh but it had been so dry he was probably more likely to catch a desert lizard.  

  Our friends all learned to never go canoeing with me and if they do they better be faster than I am in a kayak.

The teenagers all learned that I won’t baby them, as I am an equal opportunity canoe flipper.

FYI, if you ever decide, (after flipping everyone’s canoes) to float the rest of the way down the river next to your kayak so as to foil anyone’s attempt to “get even”…DON’T!

I was on my back, not looking where I was going, with “Crazy Sarah”, (whom I had recently left canoe-less due to a water problem her canoe had after I rolled it he, he, he) when a field of underwater seaweed-garbully-gook-icky-BEsgusting-man-eating-venus-fly-trap-under-water-human-eating STUFF enveloped me.

If anyone in the entire southeast section of America heard a grown woman screaming like a baby girl relentlessly and without shame last week between the hours of approximately 4-4:30, it was me.

What you didn’t hear was our entire pack of friends laughing at me. “Crazy Sarah” was smiling her evil smile while saying, “There are probably snakes that live in that stuff too!”

I kicked in place. I was stuck like a fly in Jello with a fountain of water spewing above me from my futile swimming. I was screaming in tongues.

Crazy Sarah was probably secretly hoping to collect my bones when the carnivorous river vegetation was done with me.

Crazy Sarah and her bone collecting and zombie apocalypse story here…

Karma will always give us a good kick in the pants if we deserve it. I soooo deserved it!

The older boys have “pool noodle battled” all of their cousins in Michigan and discovered all the attention a scratch on the neck gets you when people think you have a hickey.

They also learned what a hickey is.

I cannot believe how much I have missed sharing stories. This blogging thing has really surprised me.

Thanks for letting me share,
Abbie
allthatmakesyou.com
All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing.

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