I say every year summer vacation should be two months long because my kids turn into pumpkin heads the third month. Give me a few extra breaks in the school year. I am certain my kids would be smarter and I would be less crazy come September.
Here are things I have heard this week and it isn’t even August yet.
“Mom! He peed in my helmet!” (A big dirtbike helmet with a face mask)
“I found a baby bunny I have to rescue! I Googled what to do to take care of it and you will have to drive me to Walmart since they are the only place open at 10:30pm. I know you refuse to go to the Walmart but if you don’t the bunny will die!” (Yes, I went to the Walmart)
“Is there any job I can do that I don’t have to go to college and I can just drive a tractor around all day and they pay me $100,000 a year?” (Barn-House life)
“I can’t help you mow today! I am have an 8 am tee time and then I am meeting the guys at the pool to swim and lunch and then we are going fishing. I am too busy to do your work.” (Country club house life)
“Mom! The raccoon has made friends with the cats and they would all like to be fed!”
“We don’t want to share dad’s Audi Q7 when we turn 16! That’s not fair. We want our own cars. Just sell his car and buy us each our own.”
“You wasted your money on that drivers Ed class. All we learned about is what dead teenagers look like. I don’t even know what “yield” means.”
“Mom! The rescue bunny is hungry! You have to make it some formula. I’m going out to ride my Dirtbike.”
“Well, if you won’t buy us each a car then we will buy our own so you can’t tell us what to do.” (No concept of insurance or that they live in our house and are minors)
“Mom!!! The rescue cat ate the rescue bunny! Should we bury it before Peter finds out?” (The cat took the tote apart)
“There is a bear in the woods! We’re going back out with our phones so we can put it on Instagram!”
“We’re not cleaning out YOUR car! It’s filled with crap!” (Their soccer socks, their water bottles, their banana peels…)
“We need you to go buy us pumpkin seeds and a sprinkler. We are starting a pumpkin stand and we’re going to be rich.”
(Crying) “Marty McFly ate Mulligan!!!!!!!!”
“Can you leave the septic tank open and we can poop, flush and watch it shoot into the hole?” (Upon watching the septic guy come to the barn-house to empty the tank)
“We are going to the neighbors to play. Can you water our pumpkins!”
“I don’t need to put my socks on! I will put them on in the car, where I keep them, for when we go somewhere.”
“Where is the lid to the gas can?”
“Just shove a rag in the hole to the gas can if you can’t find it.”
“Has anyone seen the gas cap for the tractor?”
“Something has died in this car…Oh no Peter! Put your shoes back on! Your feet smell like a dead animal. Your car is gross mom. You should really go buy a new one.”
Please add in the comments things you have heard this summer that made you realize summer vacation should be two months with four extra weeks off sprinkled in the school year.
I should totally give them my busted, smelly, dumpster of a Suburban when they turn 16, shouldn’t I?
“All That Makes You…”
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