Ten Stupid Things I Learned at My First Blogging Conference

Ten Things I Learned from Attending My First Blogging Conference

1. Turn off your phone and do not even answer if it is your kids. Chances are they will only call when you are talking to a “cloth diaper mom.” You will find yourself yelling into the phone, “NO, YOU MAY NOT WATCH THE HANGOVER 2! WHERE IS YOUR FRIENDS MOM? THAT MOVIE IS RATED R TOO! LET ME JUST SAY THAT NO MOVIE THAT IS RATED R IS APPROPRIATE!” The other mom with small children will look at you as if you are raising barbarians. Secretly, you are so happy your three boys called before they saw a woman in a movie shooting Ping-Pong balls out of her “place between where the babies exit out,” (you can click that blue link to find out why I wouldn’t teach my boys the word vagina.) You also secretly cannot wait until this woman’s kids are older and she gets hers.

2. That 5% of the 5,100 people who attended the conference are the long time bloggers that really know what they are doing and have learned through their own successes and failures. Then there were approximately 3,000 people there with the objective to get something for free, go somewhere for free, get a discount on something back home to make it almost free or build a relationship with a vendor who will start sending them something for free. Those women had a pretty good offensive line. Then there were the rest of us.

Just in case we didn’t meet and because I suck at passing my cards out to people and then wish that I had and because there were 5,100 people there and I only had 100 cards and I came home with 80.

Email: allthatmakesyousmile@gmail.com Twitter: @allthatmakesyou

Facebook: Abbie Gale  Blog: allthatmakesyou.com

The rest of us wandered and occasionally bumped into one another. We wished we had someone with more experience to talk to but it turns out those with more experience were out together trying to get away from the people trying to “crack into their nut.” I get it. I have long time girlfriends too and I am sure these women have amazing relationships. Do I sound jealous? I am not because I really do get it. They have worked very hard to learn what they have learned and I am sure they had some bumps and bruises along the way. I am thankful for the sessions I attended and I did learn things. I am looking forward to catching a few of the other sessions I couldn’t attend, online.

3. It is IMPOSSIBLE to blow dry your hair and paint your toenails, at the same time. I am sorry Hilton and way to plan for everything with that polka dot carpet! We will call it even stevens since I paid $450 a night for a room with broken seals in the windows and I couldn’t even see out my premium priced views.

4. I may just have to accept the fact that I will never fit in with 5,000 women, as hard as I try. I never rushed a sorority, joined a mom’s group, or went on a “girls night out.” I like mixed company and I like men and frankly they were passing out plush vaginas and I won’t even teach my three sons the word “vagina.” When a table of women hear me say that I wont teach my boys “vagina” and that I refer to it as “the place between where the babies exit out,” they will looked at me like I just said women should not be allowed to vote. BTW, I didn’t get a plush vagina and I would have really loved one. I am the sole vagina bearer in my house and it would have been nice to bring it out on occasions and let it vote during family voting issues.

I need a man in the group, who used to be a boy, to get my sense of humor. I need a man to understand that it is a lot harder for little boys to yell at one another, “You’re a giant place between where the babies exit out!” versus “You’re a giant vagina!” I don’t need Judgy Judy looks and for you to whisper, “My children know the appropriate terminology” to your girlfriend. I just need you to chuckle or a smirk, that is what I do when I get that the person is being sarcastic. My husband is a doc and we all know the proper terms. My mom called mine my, “kitty cat” and I am not a stripper. She did give me a sense of humor (click link for story about that) because it is freaking hilarious when I hear a little girl get off a slide at the park screaming, “My vagina hurts!”

5. Mc Donald’s employees in NYC are paid wayyyy more than Mc Donald’s employees anywhere else, as evident by the McDonalds employee that sat down next to me and wolfed down a $24 cheeseburger.

6. You need to make connections before you go to the conference to meet people. If you don’t you will find yourself spending an evening listening to a woman tell you about the sex toy lock box business that she tells me is thriving. This leads me to the next thing I learned.

7. You need to be able to keep a straight face or get Botox everywhere so when the “naughty box lock lady” starts talking you don’t immediately begin making weird astonished faces and then decide to fist bump her? Ok, Botox arms as well.

8. If you work for a sex toy lock box company they train you to not blink when you talk about your products. Not one blink. Not one blink. I pay attention to blinks, (my story here about fast blinkers versus slow blinkers.) My guess is there was way too much giggling at training sessions so they just Botoxed their eyelids open. This whole sex-toy-lock-box episode has given me so much to think about and when I say that I am “thinking about” something it means I am hashing it out in public to anyone who will listen, that mean you reading too. I mean, have women not heard of a lock on their drawers? You put a locked box in my house and that is like giving my kids a challenge. That box would end up on a dark road waiting for someone to run it over for my little boys to find out what is inside and in their heads it would be gold coins and Skittles. Locked boxes are asking for trouble in my house.

9. Just because you took off your name badge off, Abbie, it doesn’t mean that it is OK to harass a vendor on an elevator. “But, why do we need to kill bad germs in the air now? Don’t we need to be exposed to germs? And how exactly do you know you are only killing the bad germs? We get new information all the time like, what if a germ we thought was bad turns out to be good for something else?” When the poor man finally breaks down and says his dad invented it, you can’t just say, “Oh, you will sell them gang busters because new moms are sleep deprived will buy anything for their babies” and then try to fist bump him, again…what is with me?

(Yes, my name is really Abbie Gale, (I said this 25 times.) My parents were hippies and they named me after the MAN Abbie Hoffman who spent his entire life trying to get pot legalized. He wrote the book, “Steal This Book.” My middle name is really Gale because they were babies having babies and they thought it was cute and they were lazy. Gale, as in a gust of wind hitting a sail because they also liked to sail. I am not giving you my last name, unless you want to hire me. I have high standards for my boys and hope that they get into college one day but if the school learns of their concerns over sperm diameter and whether or not this “sperm” I told them about is a liquid or a solid I will have to home-college them and I don’t even know how to form a proper paragraph.)

10. Wear a vendor badge so people will talk to you. Wear a vibrator company badge and women will chase you down like you have a key to Christian Grey’s house. I may do this next conference because I am much smarter now and very good with PhotoShop. I just have to make up a ridiculous vibrator company name. I am open to ideas. Anyone?

I think I will just keep on writing and keep on building the relationships I have on the computer and if it leads to more, than great. Perhaps one day I will be asked to sit with the “big dogs” but probably not until I learn to use a comma.

Hey, all you BlogHer chicks I didn’t meet, you missed out. I am much better in person as you cannot see my poor punctuation when I am speaking. I also had a rubber alligator in my purse my son sent with me. That is always a guaranteed good time.

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You Tube Link (Click here if video above doesn’t work, because I never plan to run for public office)

-Abbie, allthatmakesyou.com

Blogger, Mom, Smartalec

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Teenagers Will Eat Anything

IMG_0215.JPG Just now. Saturday around “brunch time.”

I can smell something being cooked in the kitchen.
Me yelling to teenagers in kitchen, “What are you cooking? I am hungry!”
My ten year old in the room with me, “They made tiny burnt pancakes.”
Trust me, I saw them and you DON’T want any part of that.”
Me yelling, “Never mind.”

There is a reason we call the ten year old “Chef”.

-Abbie Gale
allthatmakesyou.com

Recovering Emotionally From River’s Carnivorous Seaweed

Jim has had two weeks off between the fellowship that just ended and going back to his private practice.

I need a vacation from his vacation. We will be back home soon and I might make out with our washer and dryer.

I posted this picture yesterday I took while sitting in my father in-laws backyard in Michigan.

20120711-192723.jpgPeter has dragged his net from the back of a kayak in the mountains of North Carolina to the ditches of rural Michigan.

I am not kidding when I tell you he jumped out of a boat in the river to catch a water snake. Seeing that snake wiggle back and forth through the water towards the banks made me happy that he had a net in his hand and couldn’t swim after it.

Here is Peter with his only catch from Michigan.  A praying mantis.  He longed to catch a newt at his Papa’s marsh but it had been so dry he was probably more likely to catch a desert lizard.  

  Our friends all learned to never go canoeing with me and if they do they better be faster than I am in a kayak.

The teenagers all learned that I won’t baby them, as I am an equal opportunity canoe flipper.

FYI, if you ever decide, (after flipping everyone’s canoes) to float the rest of the way down the river next to your kayak so as to foil anyone’s attempt to “get even”…DON’T!

I was on my back, not looking where I was going, with “Crazy Sarah”, (whom I had recently left canoe-less due to a water problem her canoe had after I rolled it he, he, he) when a field of underwater seaweed-garbully-gook-icky-BEsgusting-man-eating-venus-fly-trap-under-water-human-eating STUFF enveloped me.

If anyone in the entire southeast section of America heard a grown woman screaming like a baby girl relentlessly and without shame last week between the hours of approximately 4-4:30, it was me.

What you didn’t hear was our entire pack of friends laughing at me. “Crazy Sarah” was smiling her evil smile while saying, “There are probably snakes that live in that stuff too!”

I kicked in place. I was stuck like a fly in Jello with a fountain of water spewing above me from my futile swimming. I was screaming in tongues.

Crazy Sarah was probably secretly hoping to collect my bones when the carnivorous river vegetation was done with me.

Crazy Sarah and her bone collecting and zombie apocalypse story here…

Karma will always give us a good kick in the pants if we deserve it. I soooo deserved it!

The older boys have “pool noodle battled” all of their cousins in Michigan and discovered all the attention a scratch on the neck gets you when people think you have a hickey.

They also learned what a hickey is.

I cannot believe how much I have missed sharing stories. This blogging thing has really surprised me.

Thanks for letting me share,
Abbie
allthatmakesyou.com
All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing.

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2013 Christmas Letter

Merry Christmas 2013 edition!

For the first time since I was 11, I didn’t mail Christmas cards last year. Yes, I mailed my own when I was in elementary school. Stamps were cheap back then and how did I not become the next Martha Stewart?

So no, I wasn’t mad at you.  Yes, we’re still married.  No, Abbie isn’t in a funny farm.  I was just thinking the Christmas cards are a lot of work if we weren’t going to MAKE IT TO CHRISTMAS…in case the Mayans were right.

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I was also busy planning a 40th birthday party/fundraiser for Jim and me.  Isn’t that what you do when your 40th birthday falls on the Mayan end of the world?  Our friends teased I planned the whole Mayan thing so I would never turn 40.  Jim also turned 40 on December 26th but no one really cares about that since it is the day after Christmas.  The “Annoying Christmas Letter” is baaaaaaack, so put us back on your list you fool!!!!!

I decided we needed to do something unusual this year, as if the Christmas card from the clueless puppy wasn’t unusual and I would bet we are the only folks who sent a Christmas card where we discussed our sex education “talk” with our boys.  “Yes boys, we were lucky we only had to do THAT twice to get three kids.”

 

I went to the world of Etsy and found this lovey lady and asked her to “cartoon” us all for the Christmas cards this year.  I sent her off multiple pictures of each of us and then I panicked!  We do have a matching set of 14 year-olds.  What if she only draws one?  I wake up and resend her a photo collage and explain we have two pubescent boys and one girl lizard named “Bubba” and one girl dog who thinks she is a human boy.

Then the drawing came via email and I was so excited, except she had my hair all wrong.  I am not even going to discuss all of our noses and Jim wouldn’t be happy with how she brushed his hair back and come on…if I am going to be a cartoon I am going to be as skinny as I want to be, right?

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So.  I.  Photoshopped.  A.  Cartoon.  Of.  Us.  I did.  And we are so cute, now!  I have also hit a new low in my Photoshop insanity.

 

We have all been growing up and the “littles” are getting to be “bigs.”

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There have been girlfriends and dances and school trips out of State.  There has been trips to Disney and Texas and our usual places.  Jim is still doing his same job but more musculoskeletal work because he finished his fellowship.  I have taken up blogging to flex my brain but I still refuse to master grammar and punctuation and somehow my readers have learned to find it endearing, or feel bad for my education.  Now when Jim teases me my writing is like an “ugly porn star” (the writing being the star and the ugly my punctuation) I get to say, “Well, I WAS quoted by CNN.(Here)”  It was about my love of Botox and all the silly reasons women should get it such as their husbands suddenly think they are geniuses as the wives can’t make the “You are a dumba$$” face at them anymore.  I was still quoted by CNN and that is all that matters, right?

 

This new blogging adventure for our family has caused some excitement as Peter thinks he is famous.  DO NOT BURST HIS BUBBLE.  I am cool still in ONE of our boy’s eyes, albeit for a short period of time, but I will take it.  The older boys are still speaking to me despite my stories about their sperm diameter fears post health class “fish” talk.

 

Mostly though, blogging helps me to chronicle our family story as the boys are growing up, let’s face it, I am never going to make a scrap book.  Jim has enjoyed my blog because he gets to tell people he was in Redbook Magazine on the “hottest husbands” page.  It is true, but the picture of us and my quote is about tips for a lasting relationship.

Redbook Hottest Husbands 2013

Don’t burst his bubble either. 

I may laugh forever when the sweet little southern cashier at our grocery store rang me up for three of the exact magazines and she paused and said, (with her adorable accent) “You are buying three of these Redbooks. (lowers head and looks out of the top of her eyes) You must be in it.”  I smiled eagerly and said, “Yep!”  She mumbled, “Figures.  I am not surprised.” and kept ringing me up with the poop face shaking her head.  Only one time did I have to pull my boys out of the magazine section at that store giggling their heads off.  Just once!

 

In the age of Twitter, Facebook and Instagram we would like to share

some of our “moments in time” with you from the last two years.

 

Left my kids for three hours to go on date with Jim. Three boys ate 42 cookies. For.T.two. Is this normal? They had dinner first! #growingboys

 

“If you had a sister wife you could rub my back and she could get my coffee.” -My (almost deceased) Husband

Can you put in requests to come back as the husband next time?    #LorenaBobbitt

 

“Does this make me look like a flesh eating skeleton?” Said Peter while holding his lips up with his fingers.

Me, “Ummmm, no?”

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Peter, “Then do I look like a drunk teenager?” #IDidBuyHimTheZombieBook”She’sNotYourMommyAnymore”

 

“I am so sick of girls asking me for my phone number. This one is in high school.”  -Avery

Help. They are babies still. Like, 7th grade babies. I am having braces put on them next week and going to Tractor Supply and buying them new clothes.  #UnfortunateThatRedneckIsTheNewBlack

 

I have changed names to protect the innocent.

Me, “Hello.”

Her, “Hello! I am Mandy from Laadiedaa School. Thank you so much for contacting us online. I am here to help walk you through the process and help get you set up!”

Me, “From who?”

Her, “Ladddiedaa School.”

Me, “Huh?”

Her, “The application you filled out online”

Me, “This is Abbie.”

Her, “Yes, Hello!”

Me, (so confused) “I didn’t fill out an online school application.”

Her, “Well that is how I obtained your phone number. You have a son correct?”

Me, “Yes, I have three boys and I enrolled two of them in a new school already and I did not fill out a school application with you online.”

Her, “It was filled out for Peter who is currently enrolled in 2nd grade.”

Me, “Ohhhhhh.”

Her, “Laadiedaa School is an online school that has real face time with teachers and a customized lesson plan.”

Me, “Yeah, ummm Peter must have filled that application out and…HE IS GOOD. We aren’t having our eight year-old dropping out and taking online classes for second grade. Sorry about the confusion. He doesn’t think his current teachers know enough about reptiles to meet his academic goals. He pimps them occasionally and has deemed them unworthy and has been shopping around for new teachers Sorry we wasted your time.”

So that is how my mornings went. I only changed the name of the school because Peter is indeed guilty in this story.  #TheyShouldHireHim

 

We are no longer referring to our 2013 trip to Disney as such. It is now being called, “The Trip that WE Shut Down Orlando International Airport. Come on, are you really surprised?

Picture this…additional TSA agents called to our conveyor belt while our carry on items were inside the xray machine. Entire HOUR long line behind us waiting, waiting. More TSA agents called. Our items still in machine. Big boys are so upset and “its all my fault!” When the agents began taking pictures of the monitor of the X-Ray machine they redirected everyone behind us. When they started calling more people I bent over and whispered in Peter’s ear that I was sorry and that I will buy him a new one but they were probably going to take it. He was trying to be so tough but he is only eight. He put his fingers in the corner of his eyes to try and hide it from his brothers but the tears wouldn’t stop and they noticed. Now it was “All Peter’s fault!” I gave him lots of hugs and tried to lighten the mood because EVERYONE in line behind us is clearly watching too much “Homeland” and giving us all the evil stink eye. I now cannot stop laughing.

Thank you TSA agents for laughing in a huddle too!

Clearly they were all little boys once who had a wooden toy musket with a steel barrel.

It is soooooo big it wouldn’t fit in the suitcase. I boxed it and told the agent at the desk we would need to check it and he said that it was fine because it was boxed and to tell the folks before we get in the line. I did but that guy told me they would confiscate it and we could NOT take it. I whispered it in E’s ear and I saw the heartbreak in his eyes. So I just put it up there and decided to let them tell me to toss it.  It worked because they shuffled me back to ticketing, let me check it and escorted me back through security and let the boys hang out with TSA.

We all eventually laughed about it, but boy are the big guys wound tight. I think they would turn me into Homeland Security. I had them lecture me to stop calling it a “pistol.”

You know that if we weren’t already on a terrorist watch list from Peter constantly searching online for things like “how to make a flamethrower” and “turning a bbq lighter into a combustion gun,” we are now.  #WeAreNotTerroristWeAreRednecks

So Jim partakes in gift buying for the boys this year. I am delighted after complaining I needed help. I’m now thinking he was being a bit passive aggressive in order to keep me from asking for help again after the telescope he was in charge of picking out arrived and it needs it own zip code in the house…or I have been buying really lame gifts all these years?  We will be needing an observation dome inserted into our roof as the “star gazing” telescope is NOT portable to actually go outside to look at stars. May be cheaper to have a mural done on kitchen ceiling. He also picked out the microscope that I’m told he can check for cancer cells and then asked if I wanted anything “biopsied.” So he asked a pathologist what microscope to get out kids for Christmas and I am now guessing he has a friend who is an astronaut he pimped when picking out this telescope.   #TheyHaven’tBeenTouchedSinceJan2

Getting into shower now washing machine broken!!!!! Guy will be here in a few and I would like to wash the cricket, worm guts, lizard and frog germs off of me. I feed baby crickets to raise into big crickets and then I feed baby crickets to frogs and big crickets to lizards. Do you have any idea how bad collard greens smell when food processed to freeze? Yes, I am processing and freezing collard greens for lizards.

I need a mother of boys therapist.  #INowCraveUnhealthyFood

Hello, my name is Abbie. Help.

I have a secret cabinet in my kitchen that my kids don’t know that opens. Actually, there are two cabinets that look like panels . In one I keep Scotch tape and scissors and the other everything I need to make Smores.

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Today I couldn’t get my pants to button. I tried the Scotch tape but it wont hold. I am going to notch the waist with my scissors, so I can sit down.

It is a good thing I have this secret stash because God knows without my hidden cabinets I would have never found Scotch tape or scissors in a house with three kids.

I have a belly full of Smores from lunch and now all I need is to make out with someone with the stomach flu.

Anyone? Anyone else have a wicked sweet tooth?  #ICraveSmoresBecauseItDoesn’tLookLikeLizardSalad

 

They spent the whole morning working on this and I know Peter is still in pjs, no stopping him when he gets an idea.

It is a fully functioning crossbow. Finally found something to do with the bag of chopsticks…they sharpened them and did this? They told me no worries because they will only shoot “bad guys” in the eye.

Why am I happy?

He asked me where a Pez dispenser was yesterday and thankfully I asked why…

He was going to make something that shoots knives.

Anyone want to chip in and send me off to a spa out west for a week so I can remember what being a girl is? Anyone?

I wake up and fish worms out of potatoes to feel lizards and I have a cricket farm and incubators in the basement.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I got an email from a national talk show about my fortieth birthday being on the end of the world. Good Lord will the whole country get to see what’s going on inside these walls? Peter tells me crickets are the lowest critter in the food chain and that if we needed to we could eat the 600 crickets we currently have. He also told me Lilly can eat them but she won’t now (he’s tried) we have to wait until the Mayan end of the world and she has to eat the crickets because that’s all we have to feed her.  #LillyIsSoHappyTheMayansWereWrong

 

I’m driving.

Peter announces there is a black widow crawling up my seat.

I say, “Awesome. Seriously? Can you kill it.”

Peter shuffles around a bit and then says, “I can’t reach it. It crawled into your purse.”

Me, “Of course it did.”  #IBoughtANewPurse

It is so the third day of school as evident by our conversation in the car on the way there. Listening to radio and Peter says, “What is so great about being in a desert with a horse with no name? It doesn’t even make sense. Can we listen to something from this century?”  #IWantADNAMaternityTest

I just told the boys that I sent the boogers I found on the wall off for DNA testing. I also asked them if anyone wants to come clean now.  #TheGreatWallOfBoogers

So proud of Avery and Mitchell. They were chosen as the students of the months for sixth grade. They came home so excited!  Normally it is one boy and one girl but as one of my boys said, “They tried and tried to come up with a girl but there weren’t any good ones.” Then the other guy said, “Yeah, so he (pointing to his twin brother) gets to be the girl.”   #TheyMightBeMine

This morning we had a particularly hard time. Big boys were wild. It was like a fraternity party. Running around, snapping each other with rubber bands and laugh/screaming in the car on the way to school. My regular requests to “tone it down” and” quit yelling in small spaces” was met with smart comments, eye rolling and then belly laughs at comments that weren’t meant for me to hear.
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I decided I would give them a taste of their own medicine.

Remember, I am not even allowed to say goodbye when they get out at the drop off line at school. As soon as that door opened up under he school awning and in front of the middle school students I began yelling in a crazy muppet voice, “Bye, bye, bye, bye!!!! Bye!…” Only one was out of the suburban and the other was half way out. The one that was out pivoted and face dove over his brother that was in process of exiting the suburban. There you have a giant twin meatball rolled up and they managed to shut the door. Then the frantic, “What are you doing?! Are you crazy?!”

I’m holding up the whole line and kids are looking at me in my pjs in the drivers seat. I was invisible every day before when I never talked.

I calmly say, “That is how you guys act and you never listen to me when I ask you to dial it down. Now get out and go to school. It’s funny and every kid knows what it’s like having a parent. Out!  And have a good day.” so they open the door and I yell, (again) “Bye-BYE! Bye!!!!!!!!! Bye!” this time I made sure they shut the door and I locked it while simultaneously rolling down all the windows.

Flash forward to my awesome afternoon. I have spent the day getting a much needed root canal that was leading me towards a life in prison due to my very short temper and lack of patience with three boys. The kids are home and I am sharing the front porch with Mitchell. He says, “You know that crap you pulled on Avery and I at school today?”

I say, (with a very coy smile) “Yes. Do you get my point?”

He says, “Yeah, you were right my friends did think it was funny…when I told them you drink booze the whole way to school in the morning.”

Never mind root canal relief…I’m sure I will get a shortened sentence due to it being my first offense.  #ICan’tWin

 

There is something to be be said about an uneventful day…I thought. Took Peter to elementary school roller-skating party. He had a little girl who followed him the entire night. Everywhere. He came up to me and whispered in a desperate voice, “I need a buck!!!!  Mom please! Just one buck, for a song dedication! Please!”  The little girl was standing on the other side of him trying to act like she didn’t know what was going on, sucking her thumb!  I couldn’t say no and so I give him a dollar and then I hear the DJ start, “I’m Sexy and I Know It.”

Not my proudest moment when the girls mom came over and mentioned how times have changed. I heard a little boy come up to Peter and this little girl and asked them if they were, “In a relationship”. They are in first grade!  #HeAskedMeToBuyHimGoldSpeedos

 

Avery, “When I grow up I’m going to buy the house next door and live in it.” Me, “I love that idea!” Mitchell, “I’m going to buy the house on the other side and live in it.”  I am all smiles. Peter, “I’m going to live in this house with my own wife and family!” Me, “That’s awesome but where am I going to live?”  Avery, ” We going to put you in Bermuda Village!” (this is a retirement community in our neighborhood.) I look at them with mouth hanging open looking very sad. Mitchell, “Don’t worry, we’ll come by and feed you pudding.”  #IHaveToBeNicerToThem

 

We hope you have all that makes you smile in life

We are so blessed and especially blessed to have each other

Jim, Abbie, Avery, Mitchell and Peter

Please be Safe and Well and Please Keep in Touch

 

 

Lying and Photo Editing for Fun

It is when I am editing photos I realize the most that I have a lying mirror and scale.

I enjoy taking pictures and I take a LOT of photos.

all that makes you

Some may call me a photo hoarder.  I have called myself one (here in “Confession, I am  Hoarder).

It also means that I am rarely in photos.

Most of us hate hearing our own voices and seeing what we look like in pictures.

I adore finding photos of my parents and grandparents when they were my age or as I remember them as a child.

The old photos are before the age of photoshopping or even previewing the image on a digital devise and deciding it is a “keeper.”

I am a habitual photoshop offender.

Call it “body dysmorphic disorder”, of the backwards kind.

I get so angry at my bathroom scale for fibbing.

Scale Skinny

Liar, liar pants on fire.  I still look 25, I think so anyway.

Don’t we all feel 25 in our heads?

I have the opposite issue most women have. I see myself and think, what a crappy mirror and who made this scale?

Anyone else have lying appliances in their homes?

Here is a picture taken in Chicago a couple of weeks ago.  We were all in town for BlogHer and were invited to attend Social Luxe Lounge.  There was an amazing group of people there and I was so excited to be part of it with the companies sponsoring like #Lumineers, #ubisoft, #proflowers and #partypail!

#SocialLuxe13

There I am with Amiyrah Martin and Tricia Oaks.  They are some of my favortist people on the internet.

Photo by @CLBuchanan

We all walked several blocks in the heat and stood outside waiting to get in and register.  I didn’t mind.  I certainly wasn’t going to go in the bathroom and primp before the “welcome” photo they were taking of everyone.  Certainly not when there are programs on my computer that can “fix” the humid hair and “glistening” skin we all had like the #PicMonkey website.  I also had my necklace on sideways.  That alone made me crazy.

Wanna see?

Of course you do!

BlogHer13 SocialLuxe before editing photo

Photo by @CLBuchanan

No sparkles in this one but they are still cute.

I like to think that sparkles follow us around.  I can make sparkles!

I am also happier not stressing out about how I look and just concentrate on having fun.

It all can be fixed in photo editing.

I am still getting my rear end on the elliptical today.

Getting in shape just in time for cardigan season? I do LOVE cardigan season.

Tomorrow I am posting some silly photos that I have “doctored” into what I am titling…

“Dumb Ways to Die BlogHer Style”

If you haven’t seen the ADORABLE video “Dumb Ways to Die” you just have to!

It is here and I promise it is so cute despite its silly name!

Abbie Gale at allthatmakesyou.com

You may also enjoy this story from allthatmakesyou.com

Almost Rendered Earlie Late – How I almost killed our sweet electrician

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If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.