We Need a List of all the Bad Words so we Don’t Call the Teacher that Again

Here are a couple language lessons from our kids on words you may not say…

Peter is a sweet boy and a handful, as he always knew far too much for a preschooler.  He can be dangerous to small children as he is always around big kids.

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He was invited to a party one summer with other children in preschool.  God has a sense of humor and we know this because when something that should probably not be said out loud, in a large group of people, somehow everyone stops talking all at once…and that one thing, that one that should not be said, is heard and heard by everyone.  That is exactly what happened.  During the loud post “Happy Birthday” singing and waiting for the cake and ice cream suddenly…silence.

Then you hear Peter’s sweet raspy voice loudly and clearly say,

“Well, I know what bad words are.  I know that I can say beaver dam but I cannot ever say D@mn beaver!” 

That is a lesson for us all!

We were all having our bowl of ice cream and hunkered down to watch “The Voice” after holding the DVR season premier over three little boys heads all evening and they were so excited as they love all the judges. At one point one of the judges jokingly called another judge a “bast*rd” for swaying a contestant to be on their team.

One of the older boys (keeping the admission of guilt anonymous to protect him;) snickers,

Jim and I just stare at him with a look of WHAAAT???

Then Jim says,

Peter and I are curled up in a blanket to keep away the ice cream shivers and hiding our laughter.

Jim says, “Stop saying that! It’s a bad word!”

12 years old, “Oh my gosh! It is I had no idea! I have been using it like crazy! I have been calling all the kids at school it! Oh my gosh…I called my teacher a bast*rd! No wonder she was laughing at me…that why all the kids are laughing when I say…your such a bast*rd! Oh no!”

There is no blanket that can contain Jim, Peter’s, mine and the other 12 year olds laughter!

Then the laughing (other) 12 year says, “I have been using it like crazy too!”

Where have we gone wrong with the bigguns?

Here is more about VERY bad words…

Do not read this if you are feeling sensitive or are a “Judgy Judy” or if you don’t have a sense of humor.

Story below and if you dare please keep in mind they are still babies that are learning things in middle school.

Last night we were all in the kitchen. Family banter all around. Then I hear one of the kids call the other a “fa&&ot”…my head spins around…I don’t want to ask what he said in case it was “maggot” and then it will lead to the question, “what did you think I said, mom?” But I have to ask.

Two weeks ago they were calling each other “ba$tard” and when we were like, “whoooooaaaa!” they were mortified it was a bad word and mortified they had called other kids it thinking it was funny and WAYYYYYYY mortified to admit one of them called a teacher it. Clearly they used it wrong and the teacher just laughed at him probably realizing he doesn’t know its a bad word.
Ok, so I ask and I get a nonchalant answer…


I shriek.
Ba$tard was halfway OK.
I mean it wasn’t like they said ret@rded.
They stopped ba$tard it as soon as they found out it was a bad word.
This is NOT.
I repeat the entire conversation about it being a bad word but I emphasize this is a VERY bad word.
They are, again, mortified.

“But we didn’t know. We heard it from our friends! I thought it was just a silly word. YOU NEED TO GIVE US A LIST OF ALL THE BAD WORDS!”

OK, I am the same mother that wouldn’t teach my three boys the proper word for a woman’s anatomy. I know that sounds old fashioned. It’s not that. I am certain I will be on a reality show one day. Not the star but the poor mother that the “stars” are blowing up fireworks in her bedroom in the middle of the night. You give these three boys the “V” word and they can easily slip it in after,

“You’re a giant______”

A list of all the bad words?  Are they crazy!
I say,

“I prefer to just handle it this way. Just ask me next time when you hearr a new word the kids are calling each other at school,”

I asked for it…

”What is a H@ mom?”

Seriously where is my husband at?  I say,

“That TOO is a bad word.”

One asks,

“Well what does it mean?”

I say,

“Someone thats had a LOT of boyfriends.”

and wink at the older boys with a head nod.

“OK, then is BobSaget a bad word too?”
For real? They are either calling each other Bob Saget at school these days or I didn’t hear it right. Did I ask them what they said again? NO!  I just said it was not.
I am trying to catch “hard of hearing” to avoid any more of this.

Therapist for Mothers of Boys

I’m just now getting into shower because washing machine is broken (!!!!!) and repair guy will be here in a few minutes. I would like to wash the cricket, worm guts, lizard and frog germs off of me. I feed baby crickets to raise into big crickets and then I feed baby crickets to red eyed tree frog and big crickets to lizards.

Do you have any idea how bad collard greens smell when food processed to freeze?

Yes, I am processing and freezing collard greens for lizards.

I need a mother of boys therapist.

Here is Bubba Watson our pet Bearded Dragon.

See his full little tummy?  Full of collard greens, strawberries, carrots, peas, crickets and meal worms.

He is the sweetest thing and not to be confused with the golfer.

Would anyone be interested in seeing the Christmas decor I have been working on between sacrificing small insects to my kids pets?

Does anyone have pictures already posted? Would you mind leaving a link in the comments so I can take a look?

It’s like driving around and looking at people’s houses without having to have three boys in a giant wrestle ball held down by seat belts and without my husband threatening to be made to “pull over!”

Shopping With Kids Tips – I am so not serious!

Who wants to go shopping with me?  

You better have on comfortable shoes and a water bottle in that purse.

My favorite aunt taught me to keep a little peanut butter in the car to sustain you while shopping.

Will someone please come and cut my Internet cable and give my iPhone a bath?

I need to not be able to have the “worlds mall” at my fingertips, and on sale!

I could not think of any solid reasons to not buy this $25 dollar dresses from Mod Cloth.

Screen Shot 2013-12-27 at 9.55.16 AM

Then I wore that dress with black tights and black tissue thin turtle and my friends husband called me, “Elf on the Shelf” all evening.

I CAN think of 25 reasons NOT to take three boys shopping.

I really was proud of his ability to “self soothe” and go on with our day.

We resorted to bribing them with electronic devices so that I could shop.

This is what happens when your kids are electronic deprived.

I do know that I have been very, very good this year.

Shut up.


My Christmas decor is not going to get put away if someone doesn’t come and disable my Internet.

I have reasoned this out and sticking my fingers in the garbage disposal would be counter productive.

I can’t pack the ornaments away with my fingers missing. Heck, I still have suitcases to unpack from our trip to Punta Cana.

First Day of School Photo

I have no explanation to why I would have three pairs of shoes for the first day of school.

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Abbie Gale
Abbie Gale at allthatmakesyou.com

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PS If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.
You might enjoy these stories and further proof the kids are all NUTS, (and they might get it from me.)



Someone Please Hire Me


Will someone please hire me for all of my Halloween decorating awesomeness? When people come to my house and look at me like I am crazy I want to be able to say, “Oh that, that is just my job. I have to do it.”

- Abbie Gale at allthatmakesyou.com