So if I ever skip a day posting, like yesterday …please say a little prayer for me.
I will have a new post I’m writing in my head that will have a title something like,
“I’m taking the Easter Bunny back behind the woodshed.”
or
“I’m going to kick that Bunnies A$$!”.
Story content will have everything to do with three little boys deciding to color Easter eggs without me. I told them we would would color eggs when I came back from the grocery store. They called me on my cell while I was shopping to say they decorated the eggs without me. They were so proud.
I exhaled while yelling in the phone, “BUT I HAVEN’T BOILED THE EGGS YET!”
Peter happily said, “I know Mom! That’s why we poked a hole in the top and bottom of each egg and BLEW THEM OUT!”
I came home with a suburban full of groceries and no way to bring them into the kitchen. There was yolk on the backsplash and floor was a hazmat site. Slimy egg whites all over the floor and dried egg white splatter all over the dark wood cabinets, the countertops, and the appliances. I am not even stressed out yet about the dye that is spilled all over the kitchen table and chairs and banquette. I hadn’t even processed the fact my kids have put their mouths all over unwashed raw eggs. The CDC is going to have a tough time determining if our salmonella outbreak is from our Easter eggs or from catching turtles in the pond.
Why YES, Peter did indeed bring a turtle from our pond to the club’s Saturday Easter brunch, because that is the only way we could get him out of the pond.
We woke up to find our baskets this morning and Peter received a giant container of SUPER bubble juice the Easter Bunny gave him.
The Easter bunny was thinking it may kill some of the turtle germs on his hands. Then, because AGAIN God has a sense of humor, Peter then immediately spilled the SUPER bubble juice all over on our shag carpet. Our thick throw rug shag carpet on a wood floor with a foam grippy pad under it, like the kind of shag rug that needs a rake and makes me immediately midcentury modern cool because we have it in our house.
Little known facts about shag carpet and bubble juice.
- – Bubble juice, SUPER bubble juice is sticky like glue.
- – Shag carpet can hold about $197.69 in change before you notice that their is money in your carpet and this means it is NEVER letting the sticky SUPER bubble juice out.
- – In order to get the bubble juice out you have to run pitchers of water through it. repeatedly.
- – In order to get the water out of the carpet you need a shop vac.
- – When shop vac’s suction water and SUPER bubble juice it turns the shop vac into a giant bubble maker.
- Let me paint a picture…bubbles and water spitting out of the top and sides of shop vac. I am throwing towels over shop vac to knock down spray. Shop Vac has pretty giant bubbles stuck to all of its cracks.
- I’m still in my pjs due to bubble juice extraction is a messy, messy job.
Another bit of proof that God had a sense of humor is that the egg mess and the bubble mess did not happen in the same room.
Pray for me. Heck, you better pray for my kids!
I think I may have just written that post. Writing is like therapy. I tried my first post from my phone and finally opened laptop. I kept updating as I wrote so sorry if you read a first draft.
Our weird little Peter asked for Breathe Right Strips because his nose is always stuffed up from allergies. He is a sucker for marketing. Cannot wait to see our seven year old sleeping tonight with one on.
Happy Easter!
Do you see the little arms on Peter’s tadpole. It was in my house! Uh-huh!
You may also enjoy these stories from allthatmakesyou.com
Ridiculous Resolution to Sieze the Monkey
Almost Rendered Earlie Late – How I almost killed our sweet electrician
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PS If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.
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Your stories are freaking hilarious!! For some reason, my son (now 16) is just starting the whole “messy-I-love-fishing-and-hunting-thing! I thought I had dodged that bullet with him because he’s always been a “sports-nut”. I refer to my car as the “rolling locker-room”, so at any given time I could have football pads, basketball shoes, and baseball bats in my car. “Mom-have you seen my cup??” Not the drinking kind… But now that he has discovered that he is living on 40 acres of land with an 18 acre lake, I have to make sure I don’t get a fish hook lodged in my foot stepping outside barefoot. And, I’ve been graced by the carcasses of dead squirrels on my breezeway (he’s worse than the dog brining his trophies up for my approval)! And now…..he has…. The Dreaded Girlfriend!!! I think I am in denial over THAT one!
I SO enjoy hearing about your boys’ antics!! It makes me feel better knowing other mothers of boys have weird experiences too (group psychosis??). Don’t even let me get started on my 13 year old daughter…..
Oh Angie, I am such a bad mom. This year I didn’t even color eggs! The idea of it makes me sick! So what your saying is he may never outgrow this? Thanks a lot!
Bubble soap and shag carpet and a wet vac? I can see it.
Bless you for buying them bubble soap. I gave up on that years ago.
Now if I could just get my daughter past her glitter addiction. #glitterallthetimeallthehouse #itdoesntimpressrecruiterswhenitsonyourhusbandsbusinesssuit
Jenn recently posted…Thoughts on the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. Finally.
Glitter, another invention of Satan. One time I went to the dentist with glitter all over in my hair and scalp and felt the need to tell him I am not a stripper, as if anyone would look at me and imagine THAT! Anyway, I have an affinity to red glittered Christmas decor. That means I wear glitter for 6 weeks a year.
Abbie Gale recently posted…Marshmallow
Don’t you just love it when they try and do things on their own…yeah..me either!
My boys never tried to color the eggs without me…but!
Picture this…it was the first major snow fall and I was taking quietly to my parents before the boys got up and saw the snow. (I was living in Washington State at that time and my parents were in Georgia and experiencing the snow through me!) My dad said for me to call him when the boys went to go play so I could tell him all about it…I looked at the clock and said ..”The boys should be up but it is tooo quiet!”. I went to their rooms and they were all gone…I was getting ready to panic when I heard laughter…you guessed it…they were already outside and they had taken their baby brother to play too! Ages…5,4 and 1. The one year old was sitting in the snow with just a diaper. My five year old son…smilingly said…I changed his diaper for you before we came out. No clothes or coats…but a clean diaper. I quickly got them inside and warm…fed them dressed them properly and back out into the snow we went.
Peach State
So we are living mirrored lives! So something mine would do. I have a picture of our youngest at 2 standing on his changing table changing his own diaper! he is wiping and throwing the wipes in the open diaper pail on the floor. I came up to get him out of bed. UGH!
memories!!! Lol!
Peach State
I don’t miss those days. Not one bit. Thanks for reminding me why! 🙂 And I will pray for you!
I’d be checking into the psych ward if I’d had a day like that.
Yep, and that is when I ripped the saying off a pack of kleenex and glued it to one of the eggs. I snapped a picture of the egg and sent it off to my girlfriends with the note, “I made you something…Happy Easter!” I still managed to make dinner for nine people. I may be “off eggs” again for a while after this weekend. My poor husband thinks I have lost my mind. I am simply happy I survived the weekend. Thanks for reading.
OMG, I can’t imagine that kind of mess, it would drive me crazy! At least they weren’t dying baby chicks? LOL. I do hope everyone survived – um … does that finger printing kit have anything to do with asking us to pray for your kids? Hehehehe. Happy Easter! 😀
It was a mess! The fingerprint kit I picked up at Homegoods. Is so up his alley! He is already putting a paint dot on the turtles he catches to release. I found him IN MY BED today colored in pond scum looking up pond habitats with aerators for inside the house and I was like….NO WAY!