In honor of the movie release of “Fifty Shades of Grey” I wanted to share with you this post I wrote about the book when it came out.
I feel like an outcast.
My sweet, southern, girlfriends that I find so refreshing, have a little secret.
You can drive by their brick houses and see that something is going on with the family that lives there. The pansies that were planted last fall are leggy in their flower beds and should have been pulled out a month ago, and replaced with begonias. Their flower pots are sitting empty. Has there been a separation? Impending divorce? Illness?
No, they just discovered “mommy porn.” They are hiding in a little corner in their homes reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I know because when we go to soccer practices or the club they are whispering about it, giggling. They greet each other with, “what page are you on?” They declare that the second book is better than the first. Everyone my age is talking about it as if they have never seen the opposite sex’s private parts in the daylight. They are acting like a locker room full of high school boys with a dirty magazine.
I feel so left out!
It isn’t that I don’t want to read “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I would love to be in the middle of the giggling. I would love to feel all naughty with my mom friends. It is just that the situation I am in forbids it.
You see I bought my dad a Kindle for Christmas. I used my Amazon account to set it up for him and so far everything I have downloaded on my Kindle has loaded up onto his Kindle as well!
He is reading the books I buy and download before I do.
He is commenting and updating me on what he likes about the books that I haven’t even begun reading.
I AM NOT HAVING A BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION WITH MY DAD
ABOUT “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!”
I found our seven year-old Peter’s beloved Bunny like this.
Maybe I could borrow Peter’s copy of the book when he is done with it.
It isn’t just the women that are being affected by this series of books. The husbands look tired. I heard one mom shout out to her husband at the lounge to “not have too many” and then give him a wink. I heard another tell her husband he better have a protein drink because she was going to sit and read while he is out playing golf, and when he gets home she might need some “attention.”
This is yet another reason to be mad at the Kindle. My poor husband is missing out on the “Fifty Shades of Grey husband byproduct effect.”
I ended up making up a game called, “Guess Which Husband Has a Wife Reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I am pretty awesome at figuring this out. That story is here, “How to Stifle Education with Cocktails and Other Threats.”
This is NOT “The South” you read about in “The Help” anymore.
After I wrote this I had a talk show producer call about bringing me on the show to TALK ABOUT “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Want to see how that turned out?
Because THAT was super funny!
The Bethenny Frankel Show Called Me
Abbie, All that makes you… allthatmakesyou.com
Click that “Follow” button or subscribe if I put a smile on your face. I promise this is the first dirty book review of a book I have never read. I wont think you are “bad” if you subscribe to my site on a day that I am writing about bondage books. I would think that was awesome but ask that you not try to figure out where I live. 😉 Oh, and Peter loves to leave his bunny in precarious situations for me to find. It is like a sport for him. This is why I know my three boys will be the next generation of kids on that show, “Jacka$$” and I will be that boys poor mom. Little girls don’t tie up their baby dolls and leave them for their mom to find and giggle around the corner.
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Yup. Those books are making the rounds among the moms at our school. Our Catholic school. And causing much more ruckus than the Australian kids’ book author that I invited to visit the school.
I keep reminding the moms that if the husbands were talking about this stuff it would be a whole different story! Very funny that it is considered appropriate conversation at dinner with friends, (like every time I have eaten anything or sat around a table with friends it gets brought up.)
Girl, I am still giggling over your post!! I haven’t read the book, but I’m thinking I may have to!
I will need a giggle buddy. The best part is thinking about these husbands being, “overworked.” Ha ha!
Oh dear, those poor “overworked” men! How will they ever survive all that extra attention!!!! BTW, love your blog and your humorous take on every day events!
Just reading this post made me turn 50 shades of red, funny girl.
So go Google, “Fifty Shades of Grey read by Ellen Degeneres.” SOOOOOO funny! She is so embarrassed and making fun of it. Totally how I picture it in my head if I were reading!
Interest peaked! I must confess I feel slightly (completely-in-the-dark-and-feeling-a-bit-like-a-prude) left out…but then again I have not heard of the this book before.
Peach State
I have never heard such excitement over a book. I have never heard grown women giggle about s-e-x like this. 😉
Such a great (and crazy true) post! It is all the soccer moms at my dudes soccer games are talking about. Get this – my stepmother sent it to my Kindle (you may want to change Kindle permissions!), but I haven’t read past page 10. Great point about last year’s book craze for The Help and now this!
I know! My bestie, (the neighbor friend I wrote about this week) had her MIL order a HARD COPY and because her son has the same name as his dad, wrong Amazon account…came to my friends house. What is so funny is that the MIL is so cool and enlightened she was all cool about it discussing at dinner and my friend was mortified her MIL was talking about it. Ha ha!
Haha..real funny 🙂
Thanks. Was a fun one to write!
All your post are funny…you are a good comical writer..perhaps you will be FP one day..
Haven’t you read my post “ten reasons why I will NEVER be freshly pressed?” Ha ha ha!
I just did…and completely understand your point..
Great minds think alike – I just wrote about this today too!
http://getwritedowntoit.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/when-did-prince-charming-get-so-twisted/
P.S. – Your peter rabbit picture was hysterical! Looks like there’s a lot more going on down that rabbit hole than we thought 🙂
He is always leaving that bunny for me to find. I have a whole post in my head about him and his bunnies. Mr Cowboy and he LOVES his bunnies, (that he kills and finds it funny that he disturbs me?)
I was talking to my hairdresser about this book. She’s reading it. I’m not. She recommends it. I’m not sure. I live in the north for a reason–I don’t like hot and steamy! And when I do, I’ve got this wonderful guy… Nuff said! 😉
It is just so funny to me. All the moms whispering and giggling about this book and the idea that we all loved “The Help” and now THIS! Ha ha!
Ohhhh….I think you will laugh…google Fifty Shades of Grey Read by Ellen Degeneres. That is how I envision reading the book in my own head. 😉