This morning we had a particularly hard time. Big boys were wild. It was like a fraternity party. Running around, snapping each other with rubber bands and laugh/screaming in the car on the way to school. My regular requests to “tone it down” and quit yelling in small spaces was met with smart comments, eye rolling and then belly laughs at comments that weren’t meant for me to hear. I decided I would give them a taste of their own medicine.
Remember, I am not even allowed to say goodbye when they get out at the drop off line at school.
As soon as that door opened up under the school awning, and in front of the middle school students, I began yelling in a crazy muppet voice, “Bye, bye, bye, BYE!!!! Buuuuyyyyieeee!…”
Only one of the twins were out of the suburban and the other was half way out. The one that was out pivoted and face dove over his brother that was in process of exiting the suburban. I had a giant “twin meatball” rolled up and they somehow managed to shut the door.
Then the frantic, “What are you doing?! Are you crazy?!”
I’m holding up the whole line and kids are looking at me in my pjs in the drivers seat. I was invisible every day before when I never talked. No one ever noticed that I was in pajamas and was wearing yesterdays makeup.
I calmly say, “That is how you guys act. You never listen to me when I ask you to dial it down. Now get out and go to school. What I did was funny and every kid knows what it’s like having a parent. Now get out and have a good day.”
They open the door and this time I made sure they shut the door and I locked it while simultaneously rolling down all the windows. I yell, (again) “Bye-BYE! Bye!!!!!!!!! Bye!” They never listen to me the first time I tell them something either. They are run-walking down that sidewalk towards the school.
Flash forward to my awesome afternoon. I have spent the day getting a much needed root canal that was leading me towards a life in prison due to my very short temper and lack of patience with three boys. The kids are home and I am sharing the front porch with Mitchell.
He says, “You know that crap you pulled on Avery and I at school today?”
I say, (with a very coy smile) “Yes. Do you get my point?”
He says, “Yeah, you were right my friends did think it was funny…when I told them you drink ALCOHOL the whole way to school in the morning.”
Never mind root canal relief…I’m sure I will get a shortened sentence due to first offense.
Here are some stories that might make you laugh
The “Stuff” My Kid Says is Funnier Than Your Dad’s
Epic Embarrassing Night Again, Enjoy
Email me at: allthatmakesyousmile at gmail dot com
PS If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.
As a fellow MOB, this is all the reasons I make mine ride the bus.
Julie Catherine says
Hahahaha! Loved the story! That little one in the picture has a totally gleeful, devilish look on his face – you just have to wonder (and shudder at) what he’s plotting! LOL! 😀
Caddo Veil says
Oh, I am HOWLING into my computer screen!!! I’ll help you find a good defense attorney.
Isn’t it crazy how kids think that NO other children could possibly understand the EMBARRASSMENT of (gasp!) having PARENTS!? lol. Good story.