I want to create a place for people to check after they have read the days news in the car pickup line at school or on the side of a practice field and now you need a smile.
Summer Camp
I went to summer camp for the first time when I was their age.
That is what I kept chanting to myself every time I had the thought to throw them back into the car and drive them to Disney World so I wouldn’t have to leave them with strangers
How To Tell Your Lawn Guy You’re Very Sorry
He threw himself on his back and rolled around screaming and laughing.
I continued into the road smiling again wondering how long before he realized he was rolling around where our dog does her “business.”
Can you send your lawn guy flowers?
Poor Tired Husbands and their Wives’ Naughty Books, My “Fifty Shades of Grey” Experience
I feel like an outcast.
My sweet, southern, girlfriends that I find so refreshing, have a little secret.
You can drive by their brick houses and see that something is going on with the family that lives there. The pansies that were planted last fall are leggy in their flower beds and should have been pulled out a month ago, and replaced with begonias. Their flower pots are sitting empty. Has there been a separation? Impending divorce? Illness?
No, they just discovered “mommy porn.” They are hiding in a little corner in their homes reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I know because when we go to soccer practices or the club their whispering about it, giggling. They greet each other with, “what page are you on?” They declare that the second book is better than the first. Everyone my age is talking about it as if they have never seen the opposite sex’s private parts in the daylight. They are acting like a locker room full of high school boys with a dirty magazine. I feel so left out!
Our Most Embarrassing School Art, To Date Anyway
For all of you with girls I want to remind you that little boys are different. For little boys, that area is a toy that stays with you. To quote one of my kids when they were three, “When can I get one of these BALLS out so I can see what they look like?” Your daughter is putting shoes on her Barbie’s feet right now and I have an anatomically (in)correct foot-less pasta dude on my fridge.
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