I spent all day yesterday on a ladder and with a bucket cleaning our front porch. Not until I was done did I feel genuinely bad my neighbors had to look at our mildewed white porch all fall. I do this a couple of times a year but it has been a really rainy year […]
The Goonies
I need y’alls help. I’m catching crap because it was my idea to have a movie night in our neighborhood and play a movie on an outdoor projector screen. I said we needed to offer a “big kid” movie as we usually do PG movies. I need a consensus. Do you think “The Goonies” rocks? […]
Last Morning of Summer 2012
Waking up in the mountains and I can’t bring myself to wake up Peter. It’s his last morning of summer vacation and he is sleeping just like a little boy who spent the entire day before in a river kayaking. He also caught crayfish in a creek, frogs and salamanders. He tried sleeping in a […]
Things Every Mom Says Or Just Mine
“Honey, I HAD you to do the dishes. You should be thanking the dishes. It is because of the dishes you exist.”
Every year I think my mother was smarter than the year before.
Here is a story about my mom called “Back Back Before You Could Just Go And Buy Boobies” that includes the obvious mention of boobs and chicken poop and how you can use one to get the other.
Poor Tired Husbands and their Wives’ Naughty Books, My “Fifty Shades of Grey” Experience
I feel like an outcast.
My sweet, southern, girlfriends that I find so refreshing, have a little secret.
You can drive by their brick houses and see that something is going on with the family that lives there. The pansies that were planted last fall are leggy in their flower beds and should have been pulled out a month ago, and replaced with begonias. Their flower pots are sitting empty. Has there been a separation? Impending divorce? Illness?
No, they just discovered “mommy porn.” They are hiding in a little corner in their homes reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I know because when we go to soccer practices or the club their whispering about it, giggling. They greet each other with, “what page are you on?” They declare that the second book is better than the first. Everyone my age is talking about it as if they have never seen the opposite sex’s private parts in the daylight. They are acting like a locker room full of high school boys with a dirty magazine. I feel so left out!
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