So if I ever skip a day posting, like yesterday …please say a little prayer for me.
I will have a new post I’m writing in my head that will have a title something like,
“I’m taking the Easter Bunny back behind the woodshed.”
“I’m going to kick that Bunnies A$$!”.
Story content will have everything to do with three little boys deciding to color Easter eggs without me. I told them we would would color eggs when I came back from the grocery store. They called me on my cell while I was shopping to say they decorated the eggs without me. They were so proud.
I exhaled while yelling in the phone, “BUT I HAVEN’T BOILED THE EGGS YET!”
Peter happily said, “I know Mom! That’s why we poked a hole in the top and bottom of each egg and BLEW THEM OUT!”
I came home with a suburban full of groceries and no way to bring them into the kitchen. There was yolk on the backsplash and floor was a hazmat site. Slimy egg whites all over the floor and dried egg white splatter all over the dark wood cabinets, the countertops, and the appliances. I am not even stressed out yet about the dye that is spilled all over the kitchen table and chairs and banquette. I hadn’t even processed the fact my kids have put their mouths all over unwashed raw eggs. The CDC is going to have a tough time determining if our salmonella outbreak is from our Easter eggs or from catching turtles in the pond.
Why YES, Peter did indeed bring a turtle from our pond to the club’s Saturday Easter brunch, because that is the only way we could get him out of the pond.
We woke up to find our baskets this morning and Peter received a giant container of SUPER bubble juice the Easter Bunny gave him.
The Easter bunny was thinking it may kill some of the turtle germs on his hands. Then, because AGAIN God has a sense of humor, Peter then immediately spilled the SUPER bubble juice all over on our shag carpet. Our thick throw rug shag carpet on a wood floor with a foam grippy pad under it, like the kind of shag rug that needs a rake and makes me immediately midcentury modern cool because we have it in our house.
Little known facts about shag carpet and bubble juice.
- – Bubble juice, SUPER bubble juice is sticky like glue.
- – Shag carpet can hold about $197.69 in change before you notice that their is money in your carpet and this means it is NEVER letting the sticky SUPER bubble juice out.
- – In order to get the bubble juice out you have to run pitchers of water through it. repeatedly.
- – In order to get the water out of the carpet you need a shop vac.
- – When shop vac’s suction water and SUPER bubble juice it turns the shop vac into a giant bubble maker.
- Let me paint a picture…bubbles and water spitting out of the top and sides of shop vac. I am throwing towels over shop vac to knock down spray. Shop Vac has pretty giant bubbles stuck to all of its cracks.
- I’m still in my pjs due to bubble juice extraction is a messy, messy job.
Another bit of proof that God had a sense of humor is that the egg mess and the bubble mess did not happen in the same room.
Pray for me. Heck, you better pray for my kids!
I think I may have just written that post. Writing is like therapy. I tried my first post from my phone and finally opened laptop. I kept updating as I wrote so sorry if you read a first draft.
Our weird little Peter asked for Breathe Right Strips because his nose is always stuffed up from allergies. He is a sucker for marketing. Cannot wait to see our seven year old sleeping tonight with one on.
Do you see the little arms on Peter’s tadpole. It was in my house! Uh-huh!
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PS If you are a publisher or producer email me and I will give you my phone number. If you are Child Protective Services email me and I will give you the phone number of someone I don’t like. If you want to come and help me fold clothes and put them away I will give you my address and a big kiss.