Just getting the party pictures downloaded from last night. I met our guests at the door with a cocktail made with wedding cake vodka and pineapple juice and a blackberry in the bottom. I figured if the party stinks it won’t matter if I get them a little tipsy…they won’t remember! I have been moping […]
Another awkward family Christmas photo. What does it say about your kid if he doesn’t trust Santa? Peter is keeping his eyes on him. He looks as if he’s thinking this Clause character isn’t to be trusted. Is everyone sitting around on their couches snacking on Christmas cookies and enjoying this relaxing time of year? […]
You can use the state of my closet as an indicator to know my current mental status. My closet told me today I was bat-$hit crazy. I have decided if I clean out my closet I will be able to carry on with my Christmas decorating and baking. If, when I am finished, I do […]
I feel like an outcast.
My sweet, southern, girlfriends that I find so refreshing, have a little secret.
You can drive by their brick houses and see that something is going on with the family that lives there. The pansies that were planted last fall are leggy in their flower beds and should have been pulled out a month ago, and replaced with begonias. Their flower pots are sitting empty. Has there been a separation? Impending divorce? Illness?
No, they just discovered “mommy porn.” They are hiding in a little corner in their homes reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I know because when we go to soccer practices or the club their whispering about it, giggling. They greet each other with, “what page are you on?” They declare that the second book is better than the first. Everyone my age is talking about it as if they have never seen the opposite sex’s private parts in the daylight. They are acting like a locker room full of high school boys with a dirty magazine. I feel so left out!
Then I hit a moment of genius. Well, first I asked another friend that owns a nursing home if I could borrow a couple of dead bodies for a few hours before they have them “officially” hauled away.