We all get things in our teeth. We all get boogers. We all have boobies. Just don’t have pictures of your OWN things as in food in teeth, boogers in nose or YOUR boobies on YOUR phone. OH, and NEVER, ever, leave your phone with a group of teenagers without a password on it.
Poor Tired Husbands and their Wives’ Naughty Books, My “Fifty Shades of Grey” Experience
I feel like an outcast.
My sweet, southern, girlfriends that I find so refreshing, have a little secret.
You can drive by their brick houses and see that something is going on with the family that lives there. The pansies that were planted last fall are leggy in their flower beds and should have been pulled out a month ago, and replaced with begonias. Their flower pots are sitting empty. Has there been a separation? Impending divorce? Illness?
No, they just discovered “mommy porn.” They are hiding in a little corner in their homes reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I know because when we go to soccer practices or the club their whispering about it, giggling. They greet each other with, “what page are you on?” They declare that the second book is better than the first. Everyone my age is talking about it as if they have never seen the opposite sex’s private parts in the daylight. They are acting like a locker room full of high school boys with a dirty magazine. I feel so left out!
The Bethenny Frankel Show Called Me!!!
I have to share this super exciting thing that happened about a week ago. I share this because I realize this is probably as far as my very exciting story is going to go. As usual, my frontal lobe is defective and I ramble things off that perhaps I shouldn’t, even to television producers! As […]
Our Most Embarrassing School Art, To Date Anyway
For all of you with girls I want to remind you that little boys are different. For little boys, that area is a toy that stays with you. To quote one of my kids when they were three, “When can I get one of these BALLS out so I can see what they look like?” Your daughter is putting shoes on her Barbie’s feet right now and I have an anatomically (in)correct foot-less pasta dude on my fridge.
Ellie Mae Takes on NYC
I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO NYC???!!!
With that said, if you see me wandering around NYC aimlessly, do me a favor and yell, “MOM!!!!!! We’re hungry! He broke my Lego Star Wars ship! I can’t poop! I can’t stop pooping! Come and see my cool corn poop!” That way I don’t get homesick.
Also if you see me, please introduce yourself in case I don’t recognize you because you look SO MUCH better in person!
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