Everything BAD I ever learned, I learned from a cousin!
It was the Fourth of July and a different cousin and I were using cigars to light fireworks down a dirt rural road. I found out that night that not only were we too young to smoke but fireworks were illegal in Michigan.
The Bethenny Frankel Show Called Me!!!
The same way people fantasize about winning the lottery, I am fantasizing about my girlfriend and I running away to CAL-i-forn-“I”-“A” to meet Bethenny Frankel! Heck, I think ALL of my neighborhood girlfriend peeps would fly out for that!
Is she calling to tell me we won?!!!!
Hatfield’s and McCoy’s
Our Peter’s first grade teacher’s names this year were Mrs. Hatfield and Mrs. McCoy.
The Turtle Has 1 Toe On 1 Foot, Like A Human, Wanna See It?
“The turtle had one toe on one foot, just like a human toe. Wanna see it?”
God and That Sense of Humor
I hit the clicker and as I looked down to check the photo and I saw she was upside down! No worries as she was fine but…priceless.
Booger-Gate
I tell them I have bought a BOOGER DNA test from Walgreens and if whomever has done this despicable act comes clean before I get the results I might be more understanding.
Is it Possible to Write Without Insulting? I Say, IMPOSSIBLE!
I hope you understand and hope you might get to know me enough one day that you would know that hurting people is not even close to what I am about. I do admit that I find things to laugh about but that comes from waaayyyyy back. That comes from the same place that the people who like to make people laugh draw from. I kind of consider it a gift, even if I had to go around the block a bit to receive it.
It’s a Cage, OMWord, I Just Assembled a Cage For My Child
One would think that by the third child I would have been less concerned and wouldn’t be behaving like a first time parent.
Nope, I ordered a safety cover for Peters crib to use for a few months until we was accustomed to the new house.
I put it together stepped back to look at it and, OMWord, I just assembled a cage for my child!
Why Can’t You Drop Your In-Laws off at a “Safe Haven”, No Questions Asked?
Have you had to raise your parents or found their “stash” under the claw foot bathtub when you were a kid? Do you want to help me get a bill passed that allows for “Safe Haven’s” to be established in every community for dropping off your in-laws, no questions asked?
Peter And His 8th Birthday Today!
Probably not as excited as he would have been had he’d gotten the veiled chameleon or Jesus Christ lizard he asked for. I would be in charge of buying crickets and we would have to listen to them prior to being eaten and I just decided I might go mad feeling like I was in a Poe novel.
Do Not Tell My Kids About The Zombie Apocalypse!
Then I hit a moment of genius. Well, first I asked another friend that owns a nursing home if I could borrow a couple of dead bodies for a few hours before they have them “officially” hauled away.
Youth Will Eventually Work It’s Way Out
Naivety can be a blessing and youth will eventually work itself out, with age.
“I Have an App for That”
“Mom, you know it’s like 2012 and not the 1900’s. She’s not going to Texas in a horse and carriage.”
Wants to be a (Fill in the Blank)
I love the drawing of the bee stinging the guy in the head and the guy screaming. Well, that is what they get for insisting he draw a picture. Please note the use of one crayon color. This is what I get when I ask him to stop drawing pictures at school of guns, knives and blood.
Smushed Game
“I really find identifying flattened animals that have been hit by stuff fascinating. I mean, I enjoy living animals better, but if they are smushed it is a little fun trying to figure out what they used to be.”
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